A few days ago I was talking to an acquaintance. Somehow Michael got brought up and I made a comment about how great he is. All of the sudden it felt like this acquaintance was on the attack! The acquaintance quickly snapped “well I’m sure everything isn’t as perfect as you make it seem on Facebook.”
That comment really caught me off guard. At first it hurt my feelings, I won’t lie. It felt so out of no where. I thought about it though, and then I felt really bad. I hope that I never mislead people into thinking Michael and I have some perfect relationship. I wish when I was first married that more people had told me that real couples argue. I had one friend who months into marriage swore they had never disagreed on anything yet. For her sake, I honestly hope that is true. However, for me, it would have been exponentially more beneficial to hear that yeah they argued… but then they laughed it off and made up.
When we first got married I panicked every time we fought about anything, no matter how small. I thought “was this a mistake? Did I hear God wrong? Why are we fighting? What am I doing badly?” Literally every (untrue) negative thought raced through my mind, making every situation more stressful mind you. My expectation was utter and complete honeymoon bliss. My expectations were that it would essentially be a sleepover and we would just be so giddy that we were married nothing would bother us. (Obviously I forgot who I am.) So I was so thankful when someone told me that it was normal. It was so freeing when I realized that every second doesn’t have to be filled with a thousand yellow daisies, and candles, and a horse.
I never want my younger sisters (by blood or by love) to be stuck in this small perfect box of what a marriage should be like! I don’t want anyone to feel like their marriage/relationship is less because you sometimes don’t agree. I would absolutely hate for this person to think that I judge her because she fights with her person. Even worse, I would hate for someone to feel like they couldn’t talk to me because I couldn’t relate to disagreeing with the hubs.
I’m definitely not saying we should be breaking windows, screaming, and threatening. However, I don’t think it’s shameful if you have the occasional disagreement! I just never would want to mislead anyone into thinking that my marriage is perfect because I would hate for someone to be comparing their relationship to such a high, unrealistic standard.
So I guess this is me, publicly announcing, that Michael and I fight. We argued last month because he shrunk my dress in the dryer. We argued this month because I was upset that he didn’t read my mind and bring home queso. We disagreed about if the cat should be allowed to sit on the counter and watch me cook. We debated over if we should put matting in the frames I hung in the living room. We bicker. We tease. Sometimes I even throw crackers at him. And you know what else? I’m grateful for it.
I’m grateful that when I’m ninety years old I will have my grouchy old man husband and we will still be arguing over whether I can have another kitten. I would’t trade it for anything.
// Photo by Sophie Davison Photography